Not Laughing Any More
“I don’t want to go away somewhere for two weeks” was the statement from my daughter that caught me off guard. I was surprised and kind of relieved to hear her say that. It was in my response to asking her if she had talked with mommy about going to a sleep away camp this summer.
My ex, through emails, informed me that she and her husband had put in the request to a sleep away camp for my 2 daughters’ ages 10 & 8 to attend for a 2 week period during the summer. When I first read it I thought my ex has once again lost her mind. My girls had never been away from either one of us for any period of time. The longest was a 2 night class trip for the oldest. Two nights was enough to give me pause but after hearing that it was with the school and chaperon and her desire to be with her classmates and the fact that it was only a couple of days – I was able to get a grip on the situation and feel ok about having her go. I didn’t really have much of a choice anyway not just because my daughter was looking so forward to it, but because I am not the custodial parent. What right did I have to say anything about it.
That’s really the point. I’m not the custodial parent. That pretty much means that I have no say so. Yes I have “joint” custody, but the kids live with my ex and with that – my opinion is worth just as much as yours is regarding what happens to my kids.
I emailed her back that I did not think it was a good idea and listed various reasons to try and get her to change her mind but I know it is to no avail. I think I made the mistake of voicing my opinion too quickly. Past experience with my ex has proven that the more I oppose her decision, the more determined she becomes to go against whatever it is I suggest. It isn’t just me that she does this with. Over the years she has dropped friends and family when they have had the gall to disagree with her. When you first meet her, my ex sounds like the warmest, friendliest and most family oriented woman you would ever run into. That’s the impression everyone gets … at first. In time … something will happen that will put you on her list. It could be something as simple as running 10 minutes late to her party or telling her that you can’t accommodate her request. It doesn’t matter what it is. The moment you are no longer useful to her – you’re done. If you’re lucky, you’ll just never hear from her again. If you’re not, you’ll wind up a target for her to inform others of and if you are really unlucky – you’ll wind up in court over something she won’t win on, but she’ll expect you to cave before you ever make it to court. That’s her biggest secret to success. Tell the tall tales. Most people will believe you because after all – you wouldn’t just make it up … would you?
So far I have been lucky. Most of the people my ex spewed lies about me to, have come to see her for the fabricator that she really is. It feels good now, but while it is happening it is most depressing. How can people believe the worst especially after knowing you for years and years?
People are quicker to believe the lie than disbelieve the person telling it.
Hell … I still get taken in by my ex and I REALLY know better. For those of you keeping track of what is going on, there is a pool for when my ex and her new husband calls it quits. It’s a shame he became such an idiot towards me this year. He must realize that even the flattest pancake has two sides and he is with her long enough now to have been privy to some of her dark side. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m probably going to be having a beer or two with him over the next year or so. The pessimist in me says 6 months but he might be even dumber than I was and it will take him another 12 months to figure things out. I hope he doesn’t put her name on the new house they are looking to buy. I’d hate to see her walk away with mine and his … or would I.
Getting back to why I even started writing this, my ex will now push to have my girls go away to a sleepover camp primarily because I don’t want them to go. I failed to mention earlier that it is scheduled during MY visitation time and from what I recently heard it is during a time when my ex and her husband are looking to go to Italy. The court won’t help because they don’t care. They don’t want to be involved in any-one’s divorce and although I have been in the court house over 50 times in the past 4 years – they don’t give me or my kids a second thought the moment I walk back out the courtroom door.
Last year I picked up my kids for the long 4th of July weekend and within an hour’s time my blackberry went off with an email from my ex telling me that I would now be taking care of the kids for the summer. I did not protest. I wanted them and we had a great time. I had my kids and they were surrounded by their cousins and Aunts and Uncles. They felt right at home and they were loved. Their mom came to see them 4 times while they were away with me. It doesn’t sound like much but it was more than I expected – though one of those times it was primarily for conning me out of money.
When the kids returned home after the summer they found out that their mommy got remarried and that she moved them out of the home that had been their only safe sanctuary during the divorce and they were also taken out of the school district that they loved so much. There was nothing I could do. I am only a joint custody parent.
I figured that my ex would go for me having the kids again this summer. This way she won’t have to be bothered to care for them. She would have her nights and weekends free. I think I did make the mistake in not allowing her to come up with the idea of me taking the kids. This way it would have been HER idea and then she could live with it as she would have had the last word. I opened my mouth too early trying to be pro-active. In essence I was telling her “Got You Last” and my ex could NEVER accept that. She is the LAST WORD queen. I remember playing a little game of “Got You Last” as we were falling asleep together. I would give her a little poke and whisper “Got You Last” and without fail, she would casually reach over and touch my arm or brush her leg against mine. I use to find it to be the most hysterical thing that she couldn’t just let it go – that she had to find a way to “Get Me Back.” I’m not laughing any more.
