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You would think that after almost 4 years I would be getting closer to the end of the divorce saga. The way I have to look at it now is, it will NEVER be over. Recently my ex-wife has gone back to using the only thing she has a little control over me with - the kids. “I will not allow you to see them or talk to them” was what she told me a few days ago on the phone and then she put in writing in an email.

“She can’t do that” you say? “The court won’t allow it” you think? Well … your right I guess but what can you really do about it. I contacted my lawyer, who wrote up a letter to opposing council. That was 4 days ago and here it is - Saturday morning - and I’m sitting here at the computer writing this instead of taking requests for breakfast because I wasn’t allowed to come get the kids.

Last weekend I picked up the kids on Friday evening. Two from a babysitter and my 10 year old from the house. Her step father is home from work early each day usually about 4pm so my oldest usually goes straight home after school but the other two go to an aftercare program so many days a week and on other days, they take the school bus (from different schools) to a babysitters house. My Ex picks them up around 7:30 at night. Why she leaves them in childcare so late when her new husband is home 3 hours earlier, I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t want my kids. Maybe there is a reason why his own kids are allowed in his house and mine are not. Maybe it is a good thing, but I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.

Getting back to last weekend, when I picked up the oldest from the house, she informed me that she was home alone as her new step-dad took his child to her practice. Well isn’t that nice. Just leave my 10 year old kid by herself. I had already picked up the other two from their babysitter so once she got strapped in, we all took off back to my place. A couple of blocks away from the house, we passed my ex sitting in her mini-van. It looked as though she was just waiting there for us to leave. The kids waved to her as we passed by.

I only got 10 minutes down the road before my ex called. It was to “say Hi to the kids”, but then she requested I get on the phone. Guess what? She signed up my oldest for Softball and I needed to take her to her first practice on Sunday. Isn’t that nice? My ex helps me out by planning my visitation weekend for me. In my head it is a good thing for my daughter. She likes it and I wouldn’t want to disappoint her. You know, however, this is a control issue for my ex. She knows I usually visit family with my kids on the weekend and the drive is not a local one. This keeps me in the area and thwarts any plans I might have.

Practice went well and I was informed of all the items she would need to have purchased for her. That’s the second part of my ex wife’s plan. As we were walking to the car my daughter turned to me and asked “Daddy, can we buy my equipment today?” As I looked at her, she further offered “Mommy said that you were to buy me the equipment.” Off we went to the store. As a side note, do you realize how expensive bats are? I looked up at the displays and the adult bats were $100, $200, $300. I felt lucky to have gotten out of there with a $59 bat for her. That and cleats, shorts, helmet, gloves and a ball left me at just over $200 lighter. I didn’t have to buy a glove as she told me she had one to use already.

That night after having dropped the kids off I received a voicemail on my cell phone. You know, the mysterious one that just appears even though the phone didn’t ring. My ex sends me voicemails directly without actually calling. This too is a control issue as she never tells me why I should call back, she just states that I need to call her. This time was a little different. When the recording started she was in the middle of telling the kids that “Daddy didn’t answer” so they will probably have to wait until tomorrow to speak with me then she turned her attention to the phone and said that she was calling me because “The kids wanted to say goodnight” to me so if I got the message early enough to call her back.

My return call was only made 2 minutes after the voicemail came in and when my ex picked up the phone she said hold on a second as she walked away from the other listeners on into another room. “You will not be seeing the kids anymore.” I won’t let you contact them.” “I took away their computer so that you can’t email them or instant message them.” “You need to tell me your girl friend’s address for when you bring the kids there and you need to pay all the childcare bills I have forwarded you.”

“The lawyers are working on the childcare amounts” I said. “The amount is to come off of the house when we sell it as we agreed” I added. “No it’s not. The lawyers are not working on anything either.” “Until you have met my requirements you will not be seeing the kids!” I said “You can’t do that!” she responded “Watch Me.” and then she hung up.

I contacted the lawyer the next day and she said to me “She can’t do that.” I guess everyone knows that my ex can’t do that - except for my ex.” So I was left with my lawyer writing up a letter to opposing council. You can see how much good that does at least in the short term. My ex gets her way and my kids and I suffer. I suppose it’s Good to be the Queen.