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It’s Friday evening and I called my ex to speak with my kids. It’s my son’s birthday. He’s seven years old today. The ex answered even though my number comes up on the caller ID. She can never just hand the phone over to the kids like I do when the kids are with me and I see her number come up on my phone.

She has to be in control at all times and does that to let me know that if she feels like it, she won’t let me talk with them. I believe she is also trying to impress her new husband with how civil she can be on the phone by responding to me with a “hold on and I’ll get them.” The poor schmuck doesn’t realize that if he wasn’t sitting there she would be spewing insults and threats at me until she finally felt that she had vented enough and then she would hang up and I wouldn’t get to speak with the kids at all. I guess in one way, I’m glad the new hubby is around some of the time as he sort of keeps the Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde in check.

“Hi Daddy!” “Happy Birthday buddy!” and our conversation continued. I didn’t see him for his birthday as my eldest daughter’s birthday is on Monday and she is having a sleepover birthday party on Saturday night. So with the two birthdays so close together, we decided the weekend before on my seeing them for the day on Sunday and I could give them their birthday presents then too.

Well … guess what. “Mommy has people coming over on Sunday so we can’t see you.” Though I had made plans and my ex knew what was happening and she knows that I am to see my kids for the birthdays – she knows that she can do what she wants and change whatever plans she wants to fit whatever she wants to do.

I know you are saying to yourself “she can’t do that” but in reality … she can.

Here is how it goes. I contact my lawyer who takes note of what happens – but she won’t just call the court to let them know because let’s be real – the court has a lot of other cases to deal with and they are certainly not going to have us come into court for them to tell the ex that she can’t do that. I’m in essence just letting my lawyer know what is going on for the sake of letting her know.

There really aren’t any repercussions for my ex. At least I haven’t seen many of them over the past few years. It becomes a he said / she said argument and the court isn’t going to give either side any weight. In the best case, it is a stern warning from the judge for her and the kids and I suffer for it. Remember that there is also a cost with my contacting my lawyer whether it is a phone call or email or fax. She books the time, as she should, and just for me to tell her what my ex is doing to me is gonna cost $50 for the 10 minutes she’ll spend with it.

Now that I am beginning to understand the rules of this game, most of the time I opt to suck it up and go on with my life. I keep track of what happens though as I figure it might work out better for the judge to get a real picture of what is going on when he has 50 of these incidents. Then maybe, just maybe he’ll finally realize that my ex has a real problem and hopefully he’ll actually do something about it.

At least I got to speak with the kids tonight. That’s something. Isn’t it?